


DEAR YOU

by comicsandtea



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, M/M, i'm sorry i just keep writing sad stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comicsandtea/pseuds/comicsandtea
Summary: Three years after graduation, Jeremy finds and old friends email and after no contact since high school tries to reconnect.Bassed off the song "Dear You" by Lucy Spraggan





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [foxtrot12](https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxtrot12/gifts).



> For my babe, you know who you are and I'm sorry not sorry x 
> 
> This story will have more chapters to come.

Dear Michael,

I hope you don’t mind me writing after all this time – it has been so long since we last talked. What’s it been? Two? Three years since graduation? But I was going through my old emails and I found yours again and I realised how long it’s been since we talked and I want us to catch up. I mean, I can’t believe how long it’s been, I mean, it feels as though we were only in school just yesterday you know?

I honestly hope everything has been going well after school. Got a good job or doing well in college still. I imagine you doing great things personally, I know whatever it is you’re doing you’re doing something amazing.

I know I lost contact with you over these years but I would love for us to reconnect or something, meet up and act like we did back in the old days? Be the losers we were. I think it would be fun, maybe get lunch?

What have you been up to man? We’ve got a lot we can cover over the time we lost. I’d say stuff about me but I really want to know about you right now.

I'm sorry we lost contact after school, I never meant for it to be this long, but I'm willing to be called out on it and I'll be the one to buy us lunch, how does that sound? 

I eagerly await your reply,

From, your friend who misses you,

Jeremy.


	2. Second Try

Dear Michael,

I found your old mobile number last night but it looks as though you have a new number, which isn't that shocking considering how long it's been you know? Kind of stupid of me to assume you would still have the same number huh?

But my last email sent through so I know that at least that went through. I don't know the next time you'll be checking your emails again but I will wait, it'll be worth it to hear from you again.

I had searched for you online but I couldn't find your profile on anything, but I shouldn't even be surprised by that. I don't even know why I keep my own social media since I barely use them, you're on the right track haha. 

I won't lie, for my college years when you weren't around, whenever I got lonely, I would imagine what it would be like if you were there with me and what you would say. That probably sounds dumb since I never kept in contact with you in that time but I did, I never really forgot you actually, you always were at the back of my mind. The more I think about it, the more I wish that I had gone to the same college as you, it would've been way better.

But when you read this can you please call me, it doesn't matter what time or what day, I'd just love to hear your voice after all this time.

I still have the same number, if you don't have it now just email me and I'll give it to you.

Missing you,

Jeremy. 


	3. Third try

Dear Michael, 

Me again, obviously it's a stupid email, who even writes emails anymore? I am contacting you while two empty beers sit at my side.

It's weird writing these to you make me feel better every time, like better than what being drunk feels like. I think it's because it feels like I'm talking to you in a way like we used to in High School, sometimes I feel like things have just fallen to shit and nothing will ever get better. Have I ever told you that in high school I wanted to kill myself? Everything about me in those days made me want to die annnnnnd look where we are now nothings changed. Still want to die but I don't die because in all honesty it would be at least a week before people would even notice that I was gone and not showing up anymore. It's fucking shit man. So shit. I guess I can't deal with the idea of rotting away and no one knowing until my flesh started to cause a stench.

The world is so unfair Michael, I wanna go back, back to the old days, I want to be back in high school, even though those years were so shit, I had you, and that made it bearable, back in the days when I was cooler than a vintage cassette. I want to be back there with you, playing video games, you were my player two,  _my_ player two. Mine. I want it back. I want those times back. I want you back. I want what we had going for us back. I want to go back to when I didn't know pain could ever feel like this. I want us to go back to when what we worried about was if we'd beat our high score, to survive through exam weeks and assignments. 

But I guess this is all a part of growing up?

I don't even know man 

I really just want to talk to you.

I miss you.

I'm sorry.

Jeremy.


	4. You What?

Dear Michael,

I never understood how much we could miss over time. How much we don't realise happened while we were all off and doing our own thing.

Last night, the day after I recovered from my hangover, I called your old landline.

I never forgot those numbers, they were etched into my brain never to forget.

I never expected anyone to answer to be completely honest, but it was your dad who picked up. He seemed shocked to hear my voice, we talked for a while, and he asked me if I still lived around the area, it made me feel warm inside hearing a familiar voice after so long.

It was when I asked to speak to you was when I knew that something was wrong. Your dad started choking up, and he started apologising, I was so confused, the next thing I knew was that your mom was talking.

She told me how hard it got during college, that you had become hopeless. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes and the feeling of wetness on my cheeks when she said you had taken your life three months ago.

I'm so sorry Michael.

I'm so sorry.

I wish I was there

I wish I was

I wish

You always knew me best and always knew what I needed but I was the failure, I thought I knew you. But where was I when you needed me?

I can't believe you're gone, I want to believe this is just some bad dream . . . but there's nothing I can do, nothing, and I feel helpless, I'm so sorry I wasn't there Michael.

I wish I could hear your voice.

I wish I could hold you one last time.

I wish I

I wish that I told you the truth that I had hidden from you all our high school years.

I love you, Michael Mell, I always have and I still do, and I have betrayed you.

Missing you, and awaiting your reply,

May our paths cross once more,

Jeremy.


End file.
